I’ve planned and thought about it for too long. I have to change my perspective and priorities, having gotten into a rut and realising it is not working for me! But how do you start anew, with all the responsibilities that I have, innocent victims of my irrational choices, and results of my misguided beliefs?
Cleaning house is not as easy as I thought it would be. My three wonderful kids have to be catered for, there are bills to be paid and obligations to be fulfilled. Although I want to, and believe that a new start will be more beneficial to all parties. The reality is I don’t have a safety blanket to cushion me during the interim period and in the end sacrifices will have to be made!
All my life I have always preferred to be the one to suffer rather than hurt another’s feelings. This self defeating belief has in a big part played to bring me to this point in my life. In my ill guided path, I have made concessions that have driven me to ruin, both emotionally and financially. As a result I have found myself sacrificing myself to other peoples comfort more and more.
F**k you and thank you
As much as I avoid being “rude” or inappropriate, there comes a time when you just have to give people ‘the finger’ and accept your happiness relies on you and you alone!!! I have slaved, bled, almost given up on life and in effect bent over backwards for all and sundry; and I have nothing to show for it except for scars and wounds that won’t stop bleeding. So what the f**k am I doing here still? Will I patiently await till they drain me to the last drop? Until all that I am left with is a husk, a shadow of my former self? no frigging way! let me try my way for once!!!