How do you fight Depression

So my depression has been building up slowly over the past few weeks. Funny thing is I have no conscious idea of what is causing it.

Guess it is this multiple channels of thought. So by yesterday evening it had built up to a point I just couldn’t get to sleep at all. So finally I got to catch some sleep at 6am, only to be woken up at 11.00 am our mail server having crashed!!!

So here I am at 2.00 am finally, (after having to install a new mail software – don’t even wonder the learning curve involved), hungry, tired and in need of a hot bath. But then again, I have to be up by 8.00 am since I have to guide all the other users on changes to be effected on their PC’s!

Yeah, that really did some god to my black mood, but I know tomorrow they’ll be one hell of a payback awaiting me. I just wish we had a way for this government to subsidize medication, since its too darn expensive and I have to get back on it soonest.

Have a stress free night!

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What do you think?

Do you feel at times it would be better if you were totally insane. Feel like a lobotomy may end your suffering/pain while at the same time, you have no idea what is causing it.

You just get tired of it all. This race without a finish line, without a break, nobody to help you through.

The small wins you had, fade away.
Like mist in the sunshine.
Ghosts. can’t hear what they say.
Your failures, the headlines.

I plan to plan.

Come on. You knew it!
I know it is not good for me. But I just keep finding myself in the same ol’ place.
The week is over and I was to have cleaned up my ‘house’. Which is so tiny that everything is just 5 steps from the door.

Get back on track
So anyway I had(have) this plan that I need to implement to take care of the dump. Thus I start planning on how to make the afore mentioned plan feasible, with the end result being I’m off the rails.

    AGAIN

Back to the drawing board?
That is just an example of what I have going on in my life. No wonder I end up doing the compulsive stuff more.
Let’s face it. How else could I make it through?

Enough about that for now. Its 5am and I need to find something to wear to work today, once I get off the bed, after I partake a smoke…….

You get the picture!

Pickin myself up

Hi.
Its been a while since I popped here. Was kinda busy doing an(other) evaluation of where I was heading as opposed to where I wanted to be.
Now I’m planning on a way to move on since I’m on the wrong path. This will involve some major changes in both work and living, but I really have to!
The longer I stay the more I stagnate – especially once I lost the spark that made my work worthwhile to me.

Have a blessed day!

Hardest challenges in my life

At times I have to wonder if the lessons learnt from childhood were supposed to prepare me for an alternate universe.
This is mainly because it seems I’m the only one who values things like;

  • being courteous (please, thanks, etc)
  • respectful
  • trusting (unless proven otherwise)
  • Or maybe I’ve lived beyond the time when such was important. I mean when I see the way people behave (and not the young generation only) I wonder what kind of future our kids will have to face.

    I pray I’m wrong!

    Voices in the dark of my minds

    I want to scream, cry or sleep,
    All these thoughts from the deep
    Lose the focus and in they creep
    Dear God, for me let them weep

    Moving, I’ve become an automation
    Day to day I survive without a notion
    T’was my lot, an overload of emotion
    A struggle, but building whose nation

    “Things will be better” that they said
    No one noticed as I slowly fade
    In the light of life I am now a shade
    Mucking about in the mess I made

    Worry not, I’m not ready to leave
    Though its tough I won’t pass that line
    Bad as it seems, still its a life
    Tomorrow I’ll be here, I just have to live

    Long time gone

    True, I’ve been missing for the last month.

    MONTH???!! Really? It’s been that long?

    O.K. The blame lies with me. Once more I went and forgot I had agreed with myself to take a few projects only, until I got accustomed, and stick to my schedule. PROMISES!

    Unfortunately, challenges arose from all directions, or maybe its just that I had not yet noticed them previously. From fighting with the landlord (in the process realized there are no laws protecting tenants whose rent is in the range of $35 – $180 p.m. – Go figure!), utility providers to work related stuff.

    Anyway, enough about that.

    Organizing Aids:

    I’m slowly adapting to utilizing aids in helping me organize my day-to-day activities. I’ve settled on Google Calendar for now (though I may stay with it for long). Especially now that most mobile phones are coming with the Android platform thus it is easy to synchronize and automatically back-up my schedule to Google, easing the worry of losing my phone. Also works with my BlackBerry calendar (Hooray!!!)

    Next project:

    I’ve been slacking out on my yoga (pot-bellies and yoga are not buddies – ouch) and meditation for a long time. So I’m going to have to begin again. The other challenge will be to quit smoking.

    Achievements:

    For now the one thing I’m proudest of is that I’ve finally kicked alcohol (3 months on the wagon!!!!)

    Goodnight all!

    Call it what you want – **it happens!

    So I’ve been reading, or trying to. Mainly to understand my recent black mood and ways to handle it. Although it’s been improving of late, the fear it created was monumental.

    Being in a place where it is economically hard to see a psychiatrist constantly. All that we are left with is to find our own solutions or ways to cope.

    All this landed me to the following pages. Which give me hope to go on.Inside a Tipping Point and 5 Warning Signs That Could Be Your Tipping Point.

    The reason I needed this “hope” was because, even after being told so, I still held on to the belief that if I stayed on my meds as prescribed, I’d be on my way to a better managed life. Sure enough there has been improvements, small as they seem, that I notice.

    Behold the POWER!!!!

    Man to man is so unjust, children:
    Ya don't know who to trust.
    Your worst enemy could be your best friend,
    And your best friend your worst enemy.
    Some will eat and drink with you,
    Then behind them su-su 'pon you.
    Only your friend know your secrets,
    So only he could reveal it.
    And who the cap fit, let them wear it!
    Today was one of those days that I wonder why I got up at all. By afternoon I was totally burning brain cells by the million. It all begun with a letter that arrived in the office concerning an ancient incident and no one was there to handle the issue. After spending almost an hour searching for the previous correspondences, of which were mysteriously missing, the next thing a technical issue arose that had to be sorted out (by yours truly – naturally). During all this hullabaloo, I suddenly got an insight that lead me to this conclusion.

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