How do you fight Depression

So my depression has been building up slowly over the past few weeks. Funny thing is I have no conscious idea of what is causing it.

Guess it is this multiple channels of thought. So by yesterday evening it had built up to a point I just couldn’t get to sleep at all. So finally I got to catch some sleep at 6am, only to be woken up at 11.00 am our mail server having crashed!!!

So here I am at 2.00 am finally, (after having to install a new mail software – don’t even wonder the learning curve involved), hungry, tired and in need of a hot bath. But then again, I have to be up by 8.00 am since I have to guide all the other users on changes to be effected on their PC’s!

Yeah, that really did some god to my black mood, but I know tomorrow they’ll be one hell of a payback awaiting me. I just wish we had a way for this government to subsidize medication, since its too darn expensive and I have to get back on it soonest.

Have a stress free night!

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I plan to plan.

Come on. You knew it!
I know it is not good for me. But I just keep finding myself in the same ol’ place.
The week is over and I was to have cleaned up my ‘house’. Which is so tiny that everything is just 5 steps from the door.

Get back on track
So anyway I had(have) this plan that I need to implement to take care of the dump. Thus I start planning on how to make the afore mentioned plan feasible, with the end result being I’m off the rails.

    AGAIN

Back to the drawing board?
That is just an example of what I have going on in my life. No wonder I end up doing the compulsive stuff more.
Let’s face it. How else could I make it through?

Enough about that for now. Its 5am and I need to find something to wear to work today, once I get off the bed, after I partake a smoke…….

You get the picture!

Pickin myself up

Hi.
Its been a while since I popped here. Was kinda busy doing an(other) evaluation of where I was heading as opposed to where I wanted to be.
Now I’m planning on a way to move on since I’m on the wrong path. This will involve some major changes in both work and living, but I really have to!
The longer I stay the more I stagnate – especially once I lost the spark that made my work worthwhile to me.

Have a blessed day!

The story still untold

recently received from a classmate

recently received from a classmate

Good morning friends.

I was just “scrolling” through my blog and realised that I had a story I had promised to tell.
It was about my childhood and school. I am (still) hoping to finish it one of these days, although its hard, since most of my past is still a big blank. I’m hoping to link up with some old buddies from the period and get more info.
Was sent this photo by one of them and it is slowly unlocking some of those memories.

Have a memorable day!

Voices in the dark of my minds

I want to scream, cry or sleep,
All these thoughts from the deep
Lose the focus and in they creep
Dear God, for me let them weep

Moving, I’ve become an automation
Day to day I survive without a notion
T’was my lot, an overload of emotion
A struggle, but building whose nation

“Things will be better” that they said
No one noticed as I slowly fade
In the light of life I am now a shade
Mucking about in the mess I made

Worry not, I’m not ready to leave
Though its tough I won’t pass that line
Bad as it seems, still its a life
Tomorrow I’ll be here, I just have to live

Behold the POWER!!!!

Man to man is so unjust, children:
Ya don't know who to trust.
Your worst enemy could be your best friend,
And your best friend your worst enemy.
Some will eat and drink with you,
Then behind them su-su 'pon you.
Only your friend know your secrets,
So only he could reveal it.
And who the cap fit, let them wear it!
Today was one of those days that I wonder why I got up at all. By afternoon I was totally burning brain cells by the million. It all begun with a letter that arrived in the office concerning an ancient incident and no one was there to handle the issue. After spending almost an hour searching for the previous correspondences, of which were mysteriously missing, the next thing a technical issue arose that had to be sorted out (by yours truly – naturally). During all this hullabaloo, I suddenly got an insight that lead me to this conclusion.

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HELP!!! I’ve Been Taken Hostage!

Another rainy week here. So here I am reminiscing on my journey through life. All those 'wrong' turns I've taken, in my relations, my career and my lifestyle. And the glaring conclusion is that I let my condition take me hostage!

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I WILL let you down!

Over the last few days I have been playing back a few of the incidents that have happened over the years concerning my relation with people I  came across. Some were (fewer still are) my friends, acquaintances and relatives.

Armed with a better understanding of my condition and how I reacted to situations that presented themselves, I’ve come to that conclusion.

That's something I know. Some may feel I failed them, others may despise me or get mad at me (maybe all of the above). But WHY???

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Teacher, teach! – The African way.

Teach me, teach me, teacher – Burning Spear

So i am checking my tweeter updates and there  is all this talk of mentoring, coaching and CBT for ADHDers.

Ok, I’ll admit I’m ignorant of  what it entails, though I can understand it is all about training me on my behaviors and improvement. Now this may sound like the best idea ever but for the life of me I have no idea how I can access such services here and furthermore from the few online coaches I have googled, the rates are just too exorbitant for me. (I don’t know about the rest here as I’ve tried to reach out to my fellow Kenyans but either I’m the only one here, or they want to stay silent)

Anyway, the reason I bring this up is I have noticed that of late my levels of procrastination have been  rising steadily, deadlines are passing me by too often and I have been withdrawing from people. I know the next stage is usually anxiety and depression, which is why I’m sending this SOS.

If anyone has an iota of an idea how I can access this kind of material, whether second hand or otherwise, kindly give me a shout.

Wishing all a peaceful Easter Monday!

Chris.

PS. My biggest challenge so far is prioritizing. I see it as the major hurdle I have to overcome so as to be able to address all the other issues that are affecting my performance and my life. the reason I feel this is because whenever I procrastinate, the motive behind it is that whatever i put my mind to in the midst of what I was doing is more important. Sure enough halfway through this ‘important’ emergency that has been discovered an even greater discovery is made. So at the end of it all  I have like a long list of projects that were abandoned at different stages scattered all over my workspace (kind of reminds me of government projects)

My boss is pissed off at my incompetence, already I’m in the self destruct mode by then and depression always seems to know i;m ready for his so called ‘motivational talks’ and BAM!! Another one bites the dust.

Bye,, My Stilnox just kicked in.